Tag Archives: sleep training

When Mothering Does not Come Naturally – One Mother’s Journey to More Instinctive Parenting

Before children my life was totally unrecognisable from the life that I lead today. I met my husband in Australia and we spent a large chunk of our first 6 years together travelling the world and climbing the career ladder.

When I was 28, I had a cervical cancer scare and the “broody” feelings finally bubbled through and we decided it was time to start our family. We were fortunate that it only took a couple of months before I took a pregnancy test and a blue line revealed to me that my life was about to change forever.

I had a perfect pregnancy and birth experience and my husband and I soon found out that this parenting lark would be the hardest work we’d ever encounter but the most rewarding. My only exposure to parenting methods was that with which I was programmed with through my own childhood and what my peer group were using. I dabbled with a bit of Gina Ford but soon found that the routine was far too strict for my lifestyle. I was one of those mums who spent her whole pregnancy declaring that “this baby was not going to change me, it would just have to fit in around our lives” and to be fair she did. She was a very sociable. I cringe now as remember my attempts to get her onto a 3 hourly breast feeding routine at 6 weeks old because that was what Gina recommended! No wonder she cried. It took a good friend to point out that if I fed her she’d probably stop screaming! I gave up breast feeding at 10 weeks as I wanted “me” back again, I felt sacrificed.

I adored my little girl and was a very proud mummy but looked forward to returning to work when she was 7 months old to restore my ego and fill my days with hitting targets rather than changing nappies. She was happy, I was happy, I worked full time but ensured that I put in some long days so that a few times a week I could be at home with her in the afternoons to spend some time being a quality mummy. By her 1st birthday she was blossoming into a beautiful toddler and I started yearning for a newborn baby again. One flippant comment to my husband about expanding our family and low and behold there was that unmistakeable nauseous feeling and I didn’t even need to do a test this time…. I just knew that another baby was on its way.

In preparation for the arrival of baby no 2, we blindly sleep trained our daughter, using controlled crying. Horrific at the time and one of my biggest regrets, making an uninformed decision without ever considering that I may be damaging my relationship and brain development of my child. Note to self; if it feels wrong, it is wrong!

Newborn - Baby boy

I sailed through my 2nd pregnancy again, a repeat performance from my last experience although this time a friend recommended I try HypnoBirthing as I’d been disappointed first time round to have quit my home birth dreams after hour 23 of labour at home with my daughter arriving 45 mins after getting blue lighted into hospital for no other reason than I lost my bottle.

This time round thanks to HypnoBirthing I had a quick, easy home water birth with hardly even breaking a sweat. Doors were opened in my mind due to my empowered experience. I started to believe in the mind and body connection and felt close to my 2nd daughter through the amount of time that I spent focussing on her, pre-birth. I trained to be a HypnoBirthing practitioner when she was 11 weeks old as I wanted to be able to share this knowledge with my local community. The more couples I taught coupled with the amazing feedback and positive birth experiences that were shared with me, the more and more I believed in the power of our minds. Freya was your typical HypnoBirthing baby, super well adjusted and super chilled. I couldn’t believe it when she only ever woke up in the night to feed and then went straight back off again. She was a little star. She made the transition into having a bigger family very easy as she wasn’t at all demanding. I could divide my time between the girls and give them both the attention they needed

So my maternity leave this time round was different. It wasn’t so easy to take two young children everywhere with you… My favourite pastimes of lunching, shopping & socialising were a distant memory and I spent a lot more time at home alone with the girls. My two girls were brimming with energy, ever so buoyant and cheerful but I felt pretty glum. I felt unfulfilled and undervalued. I missed my old life and its pay-packets.

This time going back to my full time work wasn’t a straight forward decision to make with two little ones. There was a lot of soul searching taken before I handed in my notice. Sobbing as I did so! I am a big believer in fate and honestly believe that that wasn’t the right choice for me at that time as a week later my boss was on the phone offering me a promotion. I was flattered and the pull of a monthly salary once again convinced me to go back. It was much tougher this time round, a new job role, much more responsibility and tons of travel with two demanding toddlers at home. I started to feel guilty about not being there for the girls as much as I’d like when that sicky feeling returned only 7 weeks after going back to work. It couldn’t possibly be what I thought it was. No way. But 7 days later… there was no denying that feeling. I was pregnant again!

Thankfully, I’d also been running HypnoBirthing lessons for many couples at weekends and evenings and was being pulled in a direction that I could never have predicted. I found the successes couples were having with the techniques and the fantastic feedback I received very rewarding. I felt like I was gaining momentum in raising awareness of HypnoBirthing and wondered if I could turn my hobby and passion into a part time business.

About half way through my pregnancy I became aware of BabyCalm and became a huge fan of Sarah’s blog. I was inspired by the information she presented and started to think very differently about my role as a parent. I loved the BabyCalm concepts which coupled with the Montessori education that I became exposed to via my girls preschool, I started to think differently and realise that this family wasn’t all about me and that by becoming more focussed on my children’s needs they could develop into their full potential. This was such news to me and I began to reassess what type of mother I was and wanted to be. This was such a change as I’d been very conscious of doing things “properly” with the girls. Setting strict boundaries and having strong discipline. I was so proud of my well behaved girls that everyone complimented me on their behaviour where ever we went obliviously to the perils of that “good” girl label making them eager to please whatever the cost.

And so my voyage of discovery continued and after my son’s birth I was a much more relaxed parent and started parenting the way that felt more instinctual to me much to my own mother’s disgust. My son breast feed to 18 months old, and has just chosen to leave mummy’s & daddy’s bed to sleep (mostly) in his own bed without any bribery.

I am far from perfect, and since training as a ToddlerCalm teacher I’ve realised how much more self-development I need to accomplish skills such as emotional intelligence and mindfulness so I can pass these valuable life skills down to my cherished tribe.

Being a mother is relentless. I do consider it to be an ongoing adventure with many highs and lows. I know that just doing what has been passed onto me isn’t enough. Simply loving, is a great foundation to start upon but there are many deeper life lessons I can expose my children to in the hope it will enable them to flourish into well rounded, contented, happy beings one day.

I’ve done things very differently with each of my children and I believe that has impacted upon their personalities. My eldest for example is still very needy at night time whereas the younger two settle and sleep really well.

Natural parenting didn’t come naturally to me, it’s an approach that has been drip fed to me via social media and many great books. When it is all backed up with all the science and brain benefits, it feels like the way forward for my unique family and I love sharing that wisdom & inspiration that BabyCalm &ToddlerCalm provides with new families.

By Naomi Newland

BabyCalm, ToddlerCalm and HypnoBirthing Teacher in Worthing, Sussex

For more insight, science and top tips for positive parenting. Sign up for Naomi’s free e-newsletter atwww.uflourish.co.uk

An Interview with Professor Wendy Middlemiss – Controlled Crying, Cortisol and more….

In case you’re not aware of Professor Wendy Middlemiss, you should be. Her work is vital in opening society’s eyes to the potential damage that could be done to our infants by the inhumane way we treat them when we ‘sleep train’ them.

If you’re not aware of Professor Middlemiss’ research this is a pretty good summary in lay man’s terms: Babies left to cry feel stressed’ in the Telegraph. and here’s a link to the study abstract for those of you who like a little more science.

Here we ask Wendy about the inspiration behind her research and her vision for change.

 

Tell us a bit about yourself? 

Although born and raised in New York, I currently life in Denton, Texas. I moved here with my family about 5 years ago to take a position at the University of North Texas in the Department of Educational Psychology. The position provided the opportunity to focus my teaching and research on both educational psychology and development and family studies…something few positions offer. I have one son, who will be turning 16 years old this year. He has come to enjoy Texas and his high school experience.

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What led you to your career?

  After college and working in New York in publishing, I found a brochure on the subway about a degree program in Educational Psychology. I had loved my psychology class as an undergraduate and thought—perhaps this would be great. The brochure made it clear that there were lots of things you could do with a degree in educational psychology. That interested me very much—and I think I have pushed the bar a bit in regard to what you do as an educational psychologist.

During my time at Syracuse University, I became very interested in learning more about how we raise our children, whether some of our research truly examined the intricacies of family life and looked with a clear lens into the different types of families and family choices. It was my sense that often research defined all families using one description—with then those families fitting that description looking very good and others, not truly being framed with their beauties and challenges clearly seen.

My work, since that time, has focused on how to better understand families and provide families with information that will help them raise competent children in a family context that fits their own family goals.

 

You are well known for your research into baby sleep training and cortisol levels, what led to you researching this? and do you have any plans to expand on this with more research?

It is always very easy to answer a question of …how long have you been doing this research [about infant sleep]… since the work started with the birth of my son. As a new parent, I had all the requisite nighttime care equipment—crib, bumpers, crib mobiles… everything… even a net for the top of the crib to keep out our cat. When I came home with my son, I didn’t feel comfortable putting him in this big space where I could hardly see him. So, I wanted to know… what is the recommendations about nighttime care, about where babies sleep, about what I need to do and need not to do as a parent.

Given my background, I started reading the research. What I found was, to me, very disconcerting and not as strong a body of research as made me comfortable about any choices. With this, I started to do a literature review… examining the research across the decade or so before my son’s birth. Then, I started asking my own questions. First I asked about the role of mothers’ comfort with sleep routines and babies’ outcomes—finding that it was mother’s comfort with a routine and not necessarily her choices of nighttime care, that were important to children’s later social outcomes.

Then, I started along the path of looking at questions of stress related to nighttime care routines that required having infants cry themselves to sleep. My path in research has always been to help clarify a particular part of nighttime care and provide helpful, clear information that parents can then adapt to their own care routines.

Thinking about the results of your research, why do you think there was an asynchrony between the mothers and babies cortisol levels after three days of sleep training?

Mothers and babies are so well attuned to each other and the communication is so subtle, but so strong. There is research examining microseconds of interaction that show how babies imitate mothers and mothers in return imitate babies… whether in sound, facial expression, or some other way. The research begins to help us see the importance of that synchronous interaction.

As infants grow, mothers and babies become more and more attuned when all is working well. Infants communicate so many different ways. However, with distress, their greatest communicating tool is crying—this is infants’ behavioral response to stress. When infants cry, mothers become attentive to their behavioral indication of distress, the crying raises mothers’ stress level—and together mother and infant resolve the distressing event and the mother helps the infants’ physiological distress response [related to the cortisol] dissipate.

When babies stopped crying during the sleep intervention, the mothers’ physical cue to their distress was eliminated. The mothers’ response to the apparent absence of infants’ distress, was a reduction in her physiological levels of stress. Almost an, ahhh, my baby is okay now…. I can be okay. You can almost imagine the possible relief a mother might feel when sleep had become such a distressing event.

Perhaps the most important part of that research was the finding that infants had been able to dissociate their behavioral response to stress, i.e., crying, from their physiological experience of stress. It wasn’t clear that infants had the ability to do that. However, that was what happened. Infants stopped crying, but their physiological distress remained. Without communicating this distress to mothers, mothers didn’t “see” the indicator of their distress. It seems that in this way, without this behavior cue in this setting, mothers and infants had a different response to the experience.

 

What advice would you give to an exhausted parent with a baby who wakes frequently throughout the night who is desperate for more sleep?

Find a way to find relief through greater support at night, changing the sleeping context so that there is more opportunity to sleep when the baby is sleeping, find someone who can help with night wakings. It is a hard question in some ways without knowing what options each parent has and what each parent finds comfortable to do. Babies will eventually sleep much better than they are when parents are in this situation…however, for many infants that will be months away.

Exhaustion is a real and taxing state of being. It is important not to dismiss the parents’ needs out of hand to alleviate the situation; equally important, is not to dismiss the infants’ needs out of hand. So, my advice would be to see what you can change to make things easier, without expecting that the infants’ sleeping habits may readily change. Sleeping is important for both parent and baby.

However, there are so many things in that care environment that are essential… safety, warmth, breastfeeding, responsiveness. I would advise that parents identify what is essential for care and then adapt what they can to make things manageable. I wish there were a simple answer… perhaps what is also helpful is for parents to know that there isn’t necessarily an easier answer, that sleep of all sorts is quite normal, and that this will pass. This sort of information and support has been found to be very helpful for parents.

If you could give a new parent just one piece of advice, what would it be?  

Love your child…for who they are and who they will be…

Provide them the love and comfort that will give them the security to grown to be the best of who they can be. Your child is a beautiful, lovely new being… who needs your love, comfort, and care. Let them be who they are and guide them to who they can be… accepting of their needs and their characteristics, but responsive in providing them with the tools they will need to be strong and successful… Then, I would assure them that the first tool is being responsive and respectful.

 

What support do you think new parents need? How could society change to offer this?

We need to provide parents with information about how important is their role in supporting and nurturing their child. We need to be honest in acknowledging that what infants and children need is not just restrictions but responsiveness and care. We need to provide families with the resources [information, financial, time] that provide them the opportunity to be parents.

 

What do you think about the current craze of ‘baby sleep experts’?

Any time information is provided in such a context that it tells someone exactly how they need to do something or precisely what needs to be done and when, then likely that information is only helpful to those who would like to engage in that parenting. Our babies, no matter their age, are our babies. We protect them by trying to give them what is the best. If we put together information without telling parents why something is helpful, then we do a great disservice more often than we provide helpful support. “Experts” who are willing to be “novices” in each family’s network, runs the risk of being unhelpful in the suggestions they offer.

Clever kid

Are there any experts in the parenting industry or other scientists in the field whose work you do admire?

I admire the work of those who keep trying to bring to the fore—information. Helpful, well-couched information that focuses on why something is needed and why it helps. Work of people, whether researchers, family practitioners, parent educators… whomever is there telling parents they are important to their children. Some of the people whose work I admire are strong, well-known researchers, such as Dr. McKenna or Shonkoff. Some are people who have taken up a battle but may not be well known, such as Dr. McManus, in Milwaukee.

Others I admire are those who have taken on the challenge of providing information and work tirelessly toward that end, such as Lauren Porter, and Liz Lightfoot and Celeste Pon all in New Zealand. People who, in the case of Lauren, have established Centre’s to continue to bring the message of how important is parents’ responsiveness to children, and Liz and Celeste, who work so tirelessly with parents. I greatly admire the work and energy of Stephanie Cowan who is director of Change for Our Children. She is a wonderful combination of innovation and caution, a woman who does.

 

But, I also admire the passion, if not the perspective, of those with whom I strongly disagree theoretically, about whom whose work I probably work tirelessly to put in a different light for parents. These researchers and policy makers have the same passion and often the same goal… the health and wellbeing of our infants, children, and parents. I hope that we find those common, essential elements that will bring our work together to provide information, clear information, to parents. Information that will protect our children.

Understanding and Helping the Toddler Who Won’t Sleep

Please note this is a collaborative post – for a list of authors please see the end of the article.

Every parent has despaired of their toddler’s night waking, no matter where the toddler sleeps and no matter the circumstances surrounding the desperation.  Although there is great disagreement regarding whether infants should be able to sleep through the night, the expectation that toddlers can and should sleep through the night without wakings parents is generally well accepted—with this expectation being what is presented as the “healthy” outcome by many health professionals.

Recent research however shows us how incorrect this expectation is as science tells us that it is normal for toddlers to wake at night well into their second year. Thus, to understand toddlers and what they need during nighttime care, we need to be sensitive to the “why” of their needs, abilities and experiences, and to look for “what” drives behaviours. The same concerns are important at bedtime. Knowing why a toddler is resistant to going to bed or unlikely to remain in bed when they wake at night is key to helping toddlers and parents create a healthy, happy sleep environment. Herein we offer some insight into the whys and whats of toddlerhood and then some practical suggestions about helping infants, and their parents, sleep.  

Toddler Sleep Around the World

One of the primary concerns that parents raise, especially in many Western cultures, is that toddlerhood is the time when independence must be learned and parental responsiveness may hinder this development.  Let us first assure you that the benefits of responsiveness to your child do not end in infancy, but rather that responsiveness to distress remains key to secure attachment and positive social and emotional outcomes for children (for a review, see Grusec, 2011).

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If you have been bed-sharing or co-sleeping, often parents worry that continuing this practice into toddlerhood will lead to negative outcomes for the child.  This is perpetuated by self-proclaimed “experts” who scare parents into believing they must take a hard line.  But is this supported?

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Around the world, toddlers regularly sleep with their parents, and not just out of necessity.  In Bali, children regularly sleep with their mothers until the age of 3 (Diener, 2000).  Mayan children also share their mothers’ bed and often nurse throughout the night until 2-3 years of age (Morelli et al., 1992).  Among the Ifaluk of the South Pacific children sleep alongside their parents until about 3 years of age (Le, 2000).  In Japan, family members traditionally sleep in the same room, with many children even sharing their parents’ bed (Fukumizu et al., 2005).  In Sweden, approximately half of children aged 4-5 are bedsharing with their parents at least part of the time (Welles-Nystrom, 2005).  In Japan, children traditionally sleep with some adult (e.g., grandmother) until adolescence.

Even in North America, long-term outcomes associated with bedsharing outside of infancy support normal, healthy development (Barajas, Martin, Brooks-Gunn, & Hale, 2011).  Notably, at age 5 there were no cognitive or behavioural problems associated with bedsharing between the ages of 1 and 3 in a US sample of low-income families.  Being responsive or even bedsharing will not inhibit and likely promote your child’s independence or emotional growth.  Regardless of your sleep arrangements, the following sections should help you navigate your toddler’s sleep and help you all find solutions to any sleep problems you may encounter.

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Knowing your Toddler

Toddlers are often misunderstood as they try to meet their own needs and the needs and expectations of family and society. Toddlerhood is a time of emotional, biological and social change as the transition from babyhood to a new level of independence and growth occurs. A time matched only by adolescence in level of challenging developmental changes for your child and necessary challenges in childrearing for parents.

Why Sleeping Can be Hard

For toddlers, energy abounds. Toddlers want to ‘do it’ themselves; they love to show you , tell you, direct you and ask you; and most of all, they love your company. So why would a toddler want to walk away from the excitement of being with you to go to sleep? Well, they often don’t! Thus, they do not make or maintain that transition without support and guidance.  It is completely normal for toddlers to wake during the night.; they wake and may reach out for teddy, or something comforting with smells of mom; Toddlers may call out; termed “signalling”. Some toddlers signal once a week, others once a night or numerous times a night, or some not at all (Weinraub, Bender, Friedman, Susman, Knoke, Bradley, et al., 2012) .

A Waking Toddler is a common concern for parents, with research showing that over half of children over one are waking regularly (Scher, 2001) and at least one-third of all parents of toddlers report having a ‘significant problem’ with their child’s sleep (Armstrong, Quinn, & Dadds, 1994). So, worrying or being concerned about your toddlers’ sleep is not unusual. However, just as in infancy, guiding them toward settling and providing comfort at night can help them return to sleep without negative consequences. Not responding can leave toddlers anxious or unsettled.

Most importantly to remember, is a waking toddler is NOT being naughty; they are trying to communicate something with their behaviour.

Many parents respond to toddlers’ waking with discipline (Armstrong et al., 1994)—yet there is no indication that this is helpful in promoting sleep or positive development. Sure, sometimes it is ‘in code’ but with gentle kindness and a sense of someone being there for them, toddlers can find sleep.

Co-Authors

Tracy Cassels, University of British Columbia,www.evolutionaryparenting.com

Sarah Ockwell-Smith, babycalming.com

Wendy Middlemiss, University of North Texas

John Hoffman, uncommonjohn.wordpress.com

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Texas Tech University,http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/sleep.html

Helen Stevens, Safe Sleep Space

James McKenna, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory, University of Notre Dame, www.cosleeping.nd.edu

References

Alfano, C.A., Ginsberg, G.S., & Kingergy, J.N. (2007).  Sleep-related problems among children and adolescents with anxiety disorders.  Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 46, 224-232.

Barajas, R.G., Martin, A., Brooks-Gunn, J., & Hale, L. (2011).  Mother-child bed-sharing in toddlerhood and cognitive and behavioral outcomes.  Pediatrics, 128, e339-e347.

Cain, N. & Gradisar, M. (2010).  Electronic media use and sleep in school-aged children and adolescents: a review.  Sleep Medicine, 11, 735-742.

Cantor, J. (1998). “Mommy, I’m Scared”: How TV and Movies Frighten Children and What We Can Do to Protect Them. New York: Mariner.

Feshbach, N.D. (1987).  Parental empathy and child adjustment/maladjustment.  In N. Eisenberg & J. Strayer (Eds.) Empathy and Its Development (pp. 271-291).  Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Grusec, J.E. (2011).  Socialization processes in the family: social and emotional development.  Annual Review of Psychology, 62, 243-269.

Mindell, J.A., Telofski, L.S., Weigand, B., & Kurtz, E.S. (2009).  A nightly bedtime routine: impact on sleep in young children and maternal mood. Sleep, 32, 599-606.

Owens, J., Maxim, R., McGuinn, M., Nobile, C., Msall, M., & Alario, A. (1999).  Television-viewing habits and sleep disturbance in school children.  Pediatrics, 104, e27.

Smith, H.A. (2006). Parenting for primates. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Thompson, D.A. & Christakis, D.A. (2005).  The association between television viewing and irregular sleep schedules among children less than 3 years of age.  Pediatrics, 116, 851-856.

Weinraub, M., Bender, R. H., Friedman, S. L., Susman, E. J., Knoke, B., Bradley, R., Houts, R., & Williams, J. (2012).  Patterns of developmental change in infants’ nighttime sleep awakenings from 6 through 36 months of age.  Developmental Psychology, 48, 1511-1528.

Welles-Nystrom, B. (2005).  Co-sleeping as a window into Swedish culture: considerations of  gender and health care. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Science, 19, 354-360.

Normal Baby Sleep – Do we have realistic expectations? (PART 2).

NOTE: This is a collaborative post – for an author listing please see the end of the post.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post, to see part 1 click HERE.

 

“My child wakes up at 2am and is up for 1-2 hours!”

One of us remembers very clearly the first time her daughter ended up doing this.  At around 14 months, she woke up in the middle of the night and simply wasn’t ready to fall back asleep.  We nursed, we read, but nothing worked.  She insisted upon getting up and going to play, which she did for 2 hours before being ready to get back to sleep.  This continued regularly for a couple months.  And then as quickly as it started, it stopped and hasn’t happened again in over The “why” of this is relatively unknown—although researchers are continuing to explore the physiological underpinnings of sleep—but we do know that extended night wakings like these are experienced by many children until around 3 years of age (Weinraub, Bender, Friedman, Susman, Knoke, Bradley, et al., 2012).

Many times the wakings are brief and the child settles quickly. Other times settling takes longer. In either case, these wakings do not readily suggest your child has a sleep “problem”.  Increased night wakings, call-outs, and crying are common around 6 months of age or so, and again as infants near 2 years of age. These wakings may simply be one (of many) manifestations of separation anxiety experienced by the child—a normal change resulting from infants learning that they exist separately from their caregivers (for a review, see Middlemiss, 2004).Some argue that night wakings in toddlerhood are reflective of sleep problems, but these opinions are based on criteria that do not necessarily reflect the realities of infant sleep.  Several studies found that night waking is relatively common between age 12 and 24 months (Richman, 1981; Goodlin-Jones, Burnham, Gaylor, & Anders 2005; Scher, 2000; Weinraub et al., 2013).

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Thus, a parent’s perceptions about what constitutes a sleep problem may be triggered by either a disconnect between expectations of uninterrupted sleep and a toddler sleep pattern that arguably falls within the range of normal, or by the impact that night waking has on the parent’s quality of sleep and daily functioning (Loutzenhiser,  Ahlquist, & Hoffman 2012).  However, although changes in sleep patterns may be inconvenient and frustrating, they are normal occurrences in the context of a healthy parent-child relationship. When viewed as indicating problematic, rather than normal, sleep patterns that will come and go, oarents can experience greater stress and worry (Middlemiss, 2004). As we have learned from many parents, understanding that these night wakings are normal can go a long way to making them more bearable.

 

 “My child won’t go to sleep before 10 pm.”

It is not uncommon in our society to assume that infants and young children must be tired by 7 pm and asleep shortly thereafter.  In a posted lecture on infant sleep, Dr. Wendy Hall, a researcher at the University of British Columbia, suggested that no child should be put to sleep later than 9 pm.  Unfortunately, that’s just not the reality for many families and it’s not because parents are negligent in getting their infants to bed, but because some children simply have a different circadian rhythm or a later schedule may work for the family.  Some children will continue this pattern into their toddler years and beyond.

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Cross-cultural data on bedtimes for infants and toddlers shows that later bedtimes are actually quite frequent in predominantly Asian countries (Mindell, Sadeh, Wiegand, How, & Goh, 2010).  Whereas the mean bedtime for children in predominantly Caucasian countries was found to be 8:42 pm, it was a full hour later for predominantly Asian countries (with a mean at 9:44 pm), with the latest mean bedtime being 10:17 pm in Hong Kong.  Notably, the rising time was also significantly later in these countries.  A concurrent finding was that the vast majority of children in predominantly Asian countries sleep either in the parent’s bed or room. Thus children who sleep with their parents may naturally have a sleep schedule closer to their parents owing to the sleeping arrangements.

What is important to remember is that a late bedtime in and of itself is not a problem.  If it poses a problem for the family as a whole, then parents may want to adjust the bedtime routine (Mindell, Telofski, Weigand, & Kurtz, 2009) or start the routine earlier in small increments in order to gradually move to an earlier bedtime (Richman, 1981).

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 “My child sleeps less (or more) than the recommended amount no matter what I do!”

Most people have seen the “sleep guidelines” about how much sleep our children need at various stages.  Parents are told that newborns should sleep around 16-18 hours, that at two years of age, children require a total of 13 hours sleep, and so on.  When researchers explore questions of how long infants and children should sleep and what are healthy recommendations, the answers are not particularly clear and are often based on examining how much children are sleepingat different times in history (Matricciani, Olds, Blunden, Rigney, & Williams, 2012).

As parents it is important to remember that they arerecommendations. 

Each child is different and the recommendations may not fit every child.  Some will require much more sleep and some will require less.  If a child is truly sleep deprived, there will be noticeable signs.  Signs of sleep deprivation include rubbing eyes, looking dazed and not focusing on people or toys, becoming overly active late at night, and having a hard time waking up in the morning.  By paying attention to your child and his or her cues and behaviours, you will be able to tell if your child is getting enough sleep, regardless of the exact number of hours your child sleeps.  Sleep is important, but there are many ways to get it apart from one long, uninterrupted stretch.

*Interestingly, researchers are now telling us that waking in the middle of the night is common in adulthood and was viewed as normal in past eras—the “first sleep” lasted about 4 hours with an awake period in between followed by a “second sleep” of another four hours (for more details, see here and the book: At Day’s Close: Night in Times Past by Roger Ekirch (Norton 2005).

 

Co-Authors

Tracy Cassels, University of British Columbia,www.evolutionaryparenting.com

Sarah Ockwell-Smith, babycalming.com

Wendy Middlemiss, University of North Texas

John Hoffman, uncommonjohn.wordpress.com

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Texas Tech University,http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/sleep.html

Helen Stevens, Safe Sleep Space

James McKenna, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory, University of Notre Dame, www.cosleeping.nd.edu

References:

Goodlin-Jones, B. L., Burnham, M. M., Gaylor, E. E., & Anders, T. F. (2001). Night waking, sleep-wake organization, and self-soothing in the first year of life. Journal of developmental and behavioral pediatrics: JDBP22(4), 226.

Loutzenhiser, L., Ahlquist, A., & Hoffman, J. (2011). Infant and maternal factors associated with maternal perceptions of infant sleep problems.Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology29(5), 460-471.

Matricciani, L. A., Olds, T. S., Blunden, S., Rigney, G., & Williams, M. T. (2012).  Never enough sleep: a brief history of sleep recommendations for children.  Pediatrics, 129, 548-556.

Middlemiss, W.  (2004). Infant sleep: a review of normative and problematic sleep and interventions.  Early Child Development and Care, 174, 99-122.

Mindell, J. A., Sadeh, A., Wiegand, B., How, T. H., & Goh, D. Y. T. (2010). Cross-cultural differences in infant and toddler sleep.  Sleep Medicine, 11, 274-280.

Normal Baby Sleep – What to Expect (feeding and development) PART 1.

NOTE. This is a collaborative post, for a list of authors please see the end of the post.

 

Infant sleep problems represent some of the most common concerns reported by parents of young children.  Ask any new parent and most will complain about lack of sleep. Many will also be worried that what they are experiencing isn’t “normal” and believe that their child has a problem that needs fixing.  So they search books, ask friends and family or even their doctors about what to do about a child’s problematic sleep patterns.  And to top it off, they feel immense anxiety and worry about them.

Part of the epidemic of parental angst about children’s sleep is that we live in a culture in which parents are repeatedly told that they need to worry about their child’s sleep, that there will be dire consequences if their child doesn’t get enough sleep. Another problem is that most new parents, having had little experience with children prior to having their own, have little awareness about what truly is “normal” when it comes to infant sleep

Simply being made aware of normal sleep patterns can help alleviate the stress and anxiety parents feel, leading to happier times for the entire family.

bedshar

So what is normal?

In this series of posts, we’ll tackle some of the more common sleep concerns parents have with the hope that they can see them as normal, developmental stages for their child.

 

“My child wakes every hour, all day and night, to feed”

Whether it’s every hour, or every two hours, or even three, parents are often concerned when their young infant is waking regularly for feedings.  This concern is not surprising given the focus on “sleeping through the night” that our culture pushes. But sleeping through the night is not biologically normal, especially for a breastfeeding baby.

At the time of birth, a baby’s stomach can only hold a teaspoon’s worth of milk, meaning that he or she will need to feed frequently to meet the many demands for energy that accompany this period of growth.   Although the stomach grows relatively quickly, the fat and protein content in human breastmilk is much lower than in the milk of other mammals and thus infants are required to feed often, resulting in greater night wakings (Ball, 2003; Ball, 2009).

Human breastmilk, being designed for infants who need to feed on cue day and night, is easily and quickly digested.  Formula, however, is typically made from the breastmilk of another species – cows – and is higher in fat while also containing myriad additives which make it more difficult, and thus slower, to digest.  This can affect infant sleep, resulting in unnaturally deeper infant sleep (more time spent in stage 3-4) (Butte, Jensen, Moon, Glaze, & Frost Jr., 1992), a stage of sleep from which it is most difficult to arouse to terminate breathing pauses (especially for arousal deficient infants), thereby potentially diminishing the infant’s capacity to maintain sufficient oxygen.  Even so, formula use does not necessarily provide parents with more sleep overall (Doan, Gardiner, Gay, & Lee, 2007).

Infants whose primary source of energy is breastmilk will often wake frequently to nurse, something that is essential for the breastfeeding relationship to continue (Ball, 2009). However, regardless of feeding status, many infants wake regularly during the night (Weinraub, Bender, Friedman, Susman, Knoke, Bradley, et al., 2012).  Waking through the night is normal and biologically adaptive.  In fact, though it is often reported that sleep patterns consolidate in the second year, the pattern differs in breastfed children.

Breastfeeding moms may wake more often, but report greater total sleep.  For example in a study following breastfed children for 2 years, it was found that these children continued to wake frequently throughout the second year of life, a pattern more in line with cultures in which co-sleeping and full-term (aka “extended”)  breastfeeding are more common (Elias, Nicolson, Bora, & Johnston, 1986).

cosleep1

Night wakings serve to protect the infant.

Night wakings have been reported as being more common in infants who bedshare with a parent, yet the wakings and bedsharing (when done safely) may actually protect the infant from SIDS (Mosko, Richard, & McKenna, 1997; Mosko, Richard, McKenna, & Drummond, 1996).  The critical period for SIDS is up to 8 months of age (with the peak at 2-3 months) and night wakings may serve as a protective mechanism.  In fact, if we look at parenting historically and cross-culturally, frequent night-wakings coupled with co-sleeping and breastfeeding are the norm for which we should be comparing other infant sleep behaviours.

 

“My child was sleeping through the night and suddenly it’s stopped.”

Imagine you’ve been waking regularly with night feeds and arousals, but as time passes they are decreasing.  Then you realize you’re now sleeping in nice, long chunks.  Hours of sleep all at once!  And it’s wonderful.  Then suddenly, as quickly as it came, it’s gone.  Your wonderful, sleeping-through-the-night child is suddenly waking again.  This experience, which is a reality for many, can cause frustration and despair accompanied by the feeling that you’ve done something wrong, or that you must do something get their uninterrupted sleep back again.

But here’s the thing: You didn’t do anything.  A return to night waking after periods of sleeping through the night is entirely normal.  Many children’s sleep will cycle like this for a while.  In fact, researchers looking at sleep patterns have found that often between 6 and 12 months, infants who had previously been sleeping long stretches suddenly start to wake more frequently at night (Scher, 1991; Scher, 2001).  In fact, in one long-term study looking at child sleep between 3 and 42 months found that there was no stability in night wakings or even sleep duration during this time (Scher, Epstein, & Tirosh, 2004).

What causes the change in sleeping pattern?

There are likely a variety of reasons, unique to each child.  For some, it may be a growth spurt or teething.  For others, it may be a cognitive leap that has them buzzing more so than usual or the appearance of separation anxiety.  Just recently a study reported that babies tend to wake more often when they are learning to crawl.   And for some, we may never know the actual reason.  But as children age and each develops a circadian rhythm, they will go through cycles of sleep – some more convenient for parents than others.  Parents need to be aware that these changes are entirely normal, even though they can be frustrating. Hopefully once you know that changes are to be expected, you can be better prepared or at least not add anxiety to the sleep disruptions you are forced to deal with once again.

baby-can-not-sleep-if-mother-stress

For Part 2 of this post please CLICK HERE.

Co-Authors

Tracy Cassels, University of British Columbia,www.evolutionaryparenting.com

Sarah Ockwell-Smith, babycalming.com

Wendy Middlemiss, University of North Texas

John Hoffman, uncommonjohn.wordpress.com

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Texas Tech University,http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/sleep.html

Helen Stevens, Safe Sleep Space

James McKenna, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory, University of Notre Dame, www.cosleeping.nd.edu

References

Ball, H. L. (2003).  Breastfeeding, bed-sharing, and infant sleep.  Birth, 30, 181-188.

Ball, H. L. (2009).  Bed-sharing and co-sleeping: research overview.  NCT New Digest, 48, 22-27.

Ball, H.L, & Volpe, L.W. (2013).  Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) risk reduction and infant sleep location –Moving the discussion forward. Social Science & Medicine 79, 84-91

Butte, N. F., Jensen, C. L., Moon, J. K., Glaze, D. G., & Frost Jr., J. D. (1992).  Sleep organization and energy expenditure of breast-fed and formula-fed infants.  Pediatric Research, 32, 514-519.

Breaking News: New Study does NOT show ‘Sleep Training Babies Causes no Lasting Damage’

The study opens with this paragraph:

“Behavioral techniques effectively reduce infant sleep problems and associated maternal depression in the short- to medium-term (4–16 months’ postintervention). Despite their effectiveness, theoretical concerns persist about long-term harm on children’s emotional development, stress regulation, mental health, and the child-parent relationship. “

Behavioral sleep techniques did not cause long-lasting harms or benefits to child, child-parent, or maternal outcomes. Parents and health professionals can feel comfortable about using these techniques to reduce the population burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.”

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Potential Methodology Issues Not addressed in the Study:

  • Sleep problems were ‘parent reported’, at 7mths a questionnaire was given with the question “Over the last 2 weeks has your child’s sleep generally been a problem for you?” 47% of respondents answered ‘yes’ and thus became eligible for trial inclusion. The ‘problem’ was not elaborated upon and I would have liked to have seen more questioning to ascertain exactly what the problems were, what had been tried until that point, what information the parents had received and what support had they received up until that point in those first important 7months as this time period could have a big effect.
  • The sample (out of those reported sleep problems) was selected by the researchers, I can find no mention of how they were selected and what other criteria was looked into in terms of the infant’s/family history/psychological wellbeing until that point.
  • Parents must have been open to the idea of sleep training to agree enrollment in the study, would this therefore mean that their opinions/beliefs were reflected in other parenting practices?
  • Training was carried out on babies 8-10months of age so cannot be applied to any infants younger than this. It also does not tell us the effects of training on older children/toddlers.
  • Parents were able to choose the type of sleep training used – either gradual extinction (what you and I know as controlled crying) or gradual withdrawal (parent starting out sitting with child and moving further away but involving no crying) – though no distinction was made between the type of sleep training used and later impact in the results.
  • Control/Intervention group allocation was blinded only to researchers not parents (understandably it would be tricky to be blinded to parents – but I wonder how knowledge that they were in the intervention group affected parental perception).
  • The control group visited the same nurses and were free to ask for sleep advice, but the nurses in these control groups were not trained to offer specific sleep training advice, however what advice did they give? Pretty much any parent I know could give controlled crying instructions without special training, do we know that they didn’t give similar advice to the intervention group? I cannot find this information out and to me from this point in the study loses all credibility for me – Do we know what the control group did sleep wise? We know they reported that they had had a problem with their child’s sleep in order to enter the study, so it’s pretty likely that they would want to do *something* – were they followed up and questioned and asked exactly what they did do? Again I can find no mention – How do we know that a large majority of the control group DIDN’T sleep train?
  • Outcomes were measure by cortisol samples, taken at 6yrs of age (why on earth would they take them at 6year of age?! I find this very confusing and not at all relevant? From what I can see the first follow up – and potential cortisol testing was at 10 months, yet the concerns over stress to infants from sleep training is during and in the immediate aftermath of the training, a sample taken 2 months up to 5 years later seems bizarre? Where is the cortisol sample DURING and IMMEDIATELY after the training? This is the one that matters IMO).
  • Child emotional questionnaires and ‘quality of life’ questionnaires were parent reported (and occasionally child reported) – meaning that parents filled in the questionnaires giving their own opinions. We know questionnaire reporting is notoriously unreliable with two main factors – 1) wanting to tell the investigator what they want to hear and 2) sticking to ‘middle of the road’ answers, i will add in 3) here – what parent will want to report that they feel their child has an emotional/behavioural difficulty? Especially not when they have been enrolled into a trial looking into the effects their early parenting may have had upon these. I find it very hard to determine whether the measures of psychological wellbeing were all parent reported as the results are very vague, but if I were to make an assumption I would guess that the majority were parent reported. Child reporting surely would include bias – what child would say negative things about their parents in front of said parents?
  • In terms of parenting style (and thus I presume eluding to bonding too?) the researchers appear to feel that “authoritative parenting” (high warmth, high control) is optimal parenting whereas what they call permissive parenting (high warmth, low control) is sub-optimal. I would argue that having “high control” over children is NOT optimal parenting, or indeed respectful parenting and am not convinced at all that highly controlling parents are those exhibiting the most healthy parenting style. I would like to see how they define “high and low control” and look to see how many initial “permissive parents” morphed into “authoritative parents” from the intervention group as a result of the training undertaken, this information though is not provided.
  • Nearly a third of the sample were lost to follow up (31%) – that’s a BIG number and a major limitation – what if they didn’t agree/respond to follow up because they found the intervention traumatic/it didn’t work for them/it went against their instinct?

cosleep

Perhaps the most interesting part of this research is this:

“There was no evidence that a population based targeted intervention that effectively reduced parent-reported sleep problems and maternal depression during infancy had long-lasting harmful or beneficial effects on child, childparent, or maternal outcomes by 6 years of age. Thus, this trial indicates that behavioral techniques are safe to use in the long-term to at least 5 years.”

Read that again, I’m pretty certain I dispute their claim that it has no long lasting harmful effects given the parental reporting, strange timing of cortisol testing, lack of information on what techniques the control group used, promotion of authoritative/controlling parenting as the optimum type, lack of information of life before 7 months of age (or in fact not much about life afterwards aside from financial questioning – what about childcare for a start) and lack of in-depth information about bonding (why no Ainsworth ‘Strange Situation’ type testing?). No the most interesting part to me is even with all of the above limitations in mind this research tells us there are NO LASTING BENEFITS to sleep training……Now which paper picked up on that then?! No, thought not.

So what DOES the research tell us?

  • There is still NO evidence that shows controlled crying under 8 months of age has no ill effects
  • The results did NOT differentiate between the different types of sleep training used (e.g: No Cry V Crying related options) in the results, therefore we do not know about the individual methods and their outcomes, only ‘sleep training’ as a broad label of many different types of training.
  • That sleep training does NOT have lasting positive effects on a child’s sleep behaviour
  • That nearly 50% of parents still have problems with their baby’s sleep by 7months of age (hey, perhaps that’s because it is NORMAL infant sleep and our expectations are incorrect)
  • That 31% of parents for some reason did not agree to follow up with the researchers
  • That parents tell researchers that they did not feel that sleep training affected their child negatively (tell me something new).
  • That controlled crying DOES work in the short term (I don’t think this has ever been disputed?).
  • That concerns over the effect of controlled crying on babies are still very valid, particularly in light of the recent Middlemiss study (that measured cortisol levels DURING training, not 5yrs later!) – A good summary of the concerns of sleep training can be read HERE.
  • That a whole lot more health professionals and  ‘baby experts’ are going to use this as arsenal to tell parents that there are no concerns with sleep training involving baby crying, that it’s a good thing to do, even if it feels wrong to them, as parents, to do it.

Sigh………..

Sarah (Founder of BabyCalm)

You can read more of Sarah’s articles HERE.

 

Reference:

Price. A, Wake. M, Ukoumunne. O and Hiscock. H. ‘Five-Year Follow-up of Harms and Benefits of Behavioral Infant Sleep Intervention: Randomized Trial’ Pediatrics;  September 10, 2012;